A funny thing happened on the way to the ballot box . . .

Dumb Customer Jokes
Polling Place Division — plus!

IGHGrampa: “Some things, you just should not joke about.

“I finished marking my ballot and took it over to the aide at the ballot box. ‘Just slide it right into the old paper shredder here?’ I quipped to him. His rather icy non-reaction let me know how my joke was received. Maybe he’s heard the joke before.161110bbcut-ivotedsticker

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What is a “weed”? What is “Batesian mimicry”? How many wings do bees have? (Answers below.)

Life as we know it
Including: Fun facts to know and tell

Al B of Hartland writes: “I walked about the yard, pulling plants that weren’t where they should be. A weed is any plant that is growing where it isn’t wanted. I yanked dandelions, both golden and globed, but I knew they’d be back.

Continue reading “What is a “weed”? What is “Batesian mimicry”? How many wings do bees have? (Answers below.)”

“I remember staring down at my submerged underwear and just feeling embarrassed by the whole idea…”

How far back?

D. Ziner writes: “One of my earliest memories was my baptism.

“I don’t recall going into our small upstairs bathroom, but I do remember sitting in the generously filled tub while many strange people filed in and towered above me. The men held their Bibles, and one read from his copy while the women held washcloths or hankies on top of their heads.

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‘If you can correctly pronounce my husband’s full name in three guesses, I might let you talk to him.’

Life in the Telemarketing Economy
Or: Boy, did they get the right wrong number!

Norton’s mom of Eau Claire, Wisconsin: “Norton’s dad and I have a landline telephone on which we have Caller ID.

“The other night, there was a call identified as coming from “unknown caller.’ We usually don’t answer anything from a number we don’t recognize, but when I saw that notation, I thought I remembered that one of our friends’/relatives’ calls came in with that description, so I answered it.

Continue reading “‘If you can correctly pronounce my husband’s full name in three guesses, I might let you talk to him.’”

“My, oh, my, wouldja look at that ugly dog they got!”

Our theater of seasons (responsorial)

Grandma J. of Grant: “When I read Gma Tom‘s piece about her vegetable-growing season [BB, 11/3/2016], and her wondering if we were indeed in some kind of global warming, I thought of the appearance of possums in our yard and especially on our road. I sometimes see the poor creatures, snouts and feet pointing heavenward, because they lost their battle with someone’s car.

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News from The Home: She has “changed the names to protect the guilty. Because when you are over 100, a little criminal activity might be overlooked.”

Life as we know it

Wicki-Yah: “There is a lot of fighting going on at The Home these days. I will share a story, but have changed the names to protect the guilty. Because when you are over 100, a little criminal activity might be overlooked.

“I brought Mom a small box of nine pumpkin-shaped truffles from Trader Joe’s (adorable and delicious!). She decided to open her box of chocolates at the lunch table and began to exclaim over how wonderful the truffle she chose was. I suggested to Mom it would be kind to share.

Continue reading “News from The Home: She has “changed the names to protect the guilty. Because when you are over 100, a little criminal activity might be overlooked.””

‘Imagine the possibilities, had the booze industry lavished support on the great writers, poets and filmmakers of the ages …’

What’s in a title?
Or: Muse, amuse

B. Dazzled of South St. Paul: “Alcohol use holds a prominent, if sodden, place in the history of writing. From Faulkner to Fitzgerald, Poe to Capote, and Aeschylus to Hemingway, immoderate consumption often seemed de rigueur.

“Imagine the possibilities, had the booze industry lavished support on the great writers, poets and filmmakers of the ages in return for marketing and product placement, much like the brand sponsorships and corporate patronage that underwrite athletes and entertainers today. We might find our canon of film and literature subtly altered to include favorites like:

“The Three Muscatels
“The Canterbury Ales
“The Muppets Make Manhattans
Continue reading “‘Imagine the possibilities, had the booze industry lavished support on the great writers, poets and filmmakers of the ages …’”