Life (and death) as we know it
A Lady Who Loves Little People: “Last March, my husband and I were on a cruise where we met a couple who told us a remarkable story.
“Both E and C emigrated as adults from the Philippines to New York; however, they didn’t meet for several years after their arrival. This is their story:
“E’s niece invited E and his family to her and her husband’s 25th-wedding-anniversary celebration in Germany. E & C decided to attend with their two children & C’s mother. E wanted to extend the Germany trip; however, school started during the time of the extension. C wanted her children to be there on the first day so they wouldn’t miss out on important information. E kept arguing the case for having the extension, and C kept arguing for the children not to miss the first days of school. After many discussions, C reluctantly agreed to E’s schedule, but she wasn’t happy about it.
“On the flight home from Germany, their plane was rerouted by American jets to Newfoundland. The five of them stayed with a kind Canadian couple. (They gave up their master bedroom for the week or so that it took to have planes allowed in U.S. airspace again.)
“E and C’s children missed considerably more than two days of school that September in 2001; however, C will be eternally grateful that she lost the argument with her husband. If they had chosen C’s schedule, they would have been home on September 11, and E would have been in his New York City office at 8 a.m. on the 72nd floor of the North Tower!
“As they both shared their story, the goosebumps on my arms got bigger and bigger. I know from experience that children who miss the first days of a school year are at a huge disadvantage, so I’m pretty sure I would have won the argument not to extend the trip. If I had been C and won the argument, I would have paid a horrific price to do what I thought was right.
“Because of one decision that she didn’t want to go along with, C’s life as she knew it was intact. However, 22 years later, C still thinks about the ‘What if . . . ?’”
Life as we know it
The Happy Medium writes: “Subject: That Which We Teach.
“Once upon a time, I taught Vacation Bible School to children attending the little country church on the hill in rural Wisconsin. These children ranged from ages 6 to 12. If I recall, moms and dads dropped their children off at 9:00 in the morning and picked them up around 3:00 in the afternoon.
“The emphasis this particular summer was the four gospels of the New Testament. Booklets were provided for each student to write answers
to questions or take notes during the study. Each day we had good discussions about each gospel: what all four of them had in common and what were any differences.
“We had brief breaks in the morning, with a noon lunch. Each child brought a lunch from home, which was a balanced meal, of course.
“Following lunch, we played softball. Bases were established, and teams were formed. I joined in the games each day, sometimes as the everlasting pitcher. We all had a great time before heading back inside to work on our studies.
“My hope was that the children learned a great deal from our discussions. I hoped, of course, they would be able to quote certain passages from each gospel in years to come. Without a doubt, those memorized verses would come in handy along their life journeys.
“Spin forward to just a few months ago, following a church event. I was walking to my car when I noticed several young people (and everyone is young these days) talking and enjoying a fun memory. One called my name, saying: ‘We were just talking about you and the summer you taught Vacation Bible School.’ I smiled and thought: ‘Yes, they remembered the gospels.’ She went on to say that they especially remembered the fun they had playing softball with the teacher each day.
“At first, that took the wind out of my sails. But, as I thought more about
their remembrances, there is no doubt in my mind that these young people did learn and remember important teachings from the gospels. I have witnessed their kindness to others in the church, their willingness to serve, their prayer support for others in need. Yes, they learned well and remembered clearly the teachings of the gospels.
“The gospel message continues to be passed on from generation to
generation, even through fun-filled summer softball games.”
What is right with people?
Wild Bill of River Falls: “Recently my brother, who was in a V.A. care facility in Maryland, passed away. I was the only surviving close relative, so I went alone from Wisconsin to see to the funeral and other arrangements. It didn’t help that I had, as it turns out, the flu.
“One morning as things weren’t going right, I sat rather sadly in a laundromat in Perryville, Maryland, watching my clothes tumble around the dryer. Two older gentlemen walked in to check their dryers. There was also a service dog. The dog came up to check me out. I asked if I could pet it. ‘Sure,’ one man said. I did, and the dog was really enjoying it. I remarked: ‘Well, at least I have one friend in Perryville.’
“The man asked why I was there, and I briefly outlined my story. The two men quietly folded their clothes, and as they were leaving, one handed me a piece of paper with two names and phone numbers on it. He said: ‘If you need anything, you now have three friends in Perryville.’
“Things got better after that, and I didn’t have to call on them, but I will remember that gesture for the rest of my life.”
Not exactly what he had in mind
Cherie D of Inver Grove Heights: “It’s funny how people often say the Minnesota State Fairgrounds are in St. Paul. The Fairgrounds are in Falcon Heights.
“My mom lives in Falcon Heights, just the proverbial hop, skip and jump from the State Fair entry gate on Larpenteur. One day I went to Mom’s house to meet with a fellow from a company that sold stair chairs.
“Instead of a sales rep, the company’s installer, Stan, showed up. Huh? He wore an open shirt, dirty T-shirt under that, jeans and a utility belt — and you know what happens when a guy wears a heavy utility belt. Yup. Stan measured Mom’s stairs and quoted a ridiculously high price — including a few hundred bucks extra for an electrician to add an outlet. I showed him there was already an outlet near the stairs. Duh.
“Mom was a bit ticked with the cost, and I said: Not to worry; we can get a used one and have it installed.
“Stan about blew his top and said that was against the law.
“I said: Who’s going to know, and who would fine a little old lady?
“He said the City of St. Paul had rules and we had to follow them.
“Then I laid the bomb on him. ‘You’re not in St. Paul, Stan. You’re in Falcon Heights.’
“The look on his face was almost shocking: eyes wide open, mouth gaping so much I could have counted his teeth. Then he sputtered that the City of St. Paul governed Falcon Heights. I explained that Falcon Heights has its own government. Again, with the face: shocked look, eyes wide open, mouth gaping.
“Poor Stan. As confused as he was, I wonder if he ever found his way home.
“Oh, he had 17 teeth.”
Dept. of Neat Stuff
The Best State Fair in Our State! Division (2023 update)
Gregory J. of Dayton’s Bluff: “When I submitted my last entry concerning the postcard frames that I’ve entered in the Minnesota State Fair Creative Activities postcard competition, the 2023 State Fair was still in the future and I wasn’t sure if I would be entering anything this year.
“Well, the 2023 State Fair is now history, I did enter a postcard frame, and the results are in.
“But first, a little background. Over the past 125 years, hundreds of postcards have depicted Minnehaha Falls — which, as everyone knows, is located in Minneapolis. Those postcards confirm that fact. But I collect Saint Paul postcards, so what is the connection? Over the years, a small number of postcards, maybe around 25, have been printed which place Minnehaha Falls not in Minneapolis, but in or near Saint Paul. Why? It was most likely a tourist marketing ploy.
“I collected many of these postcards and put them together in a frame titled ‘Whither Minnehaha Falls?’ It was duly entered in the Novelty category and judged. And the result was . . . (drum roll please) . . . another blue ribbon. Full disclosure: There were no other entries in the category, which was unusual. Even so, a blue ribbon does not have to be awarded unless the judge finds the entry worthy of one.
“Along with the ribbon, I’ll eventually be receiving a check for $8.00, which is equivalent to half the cost of an admission ticket to the State Fair. No one gets rich winning ribbons at the State Fair. It’s all about the fame, not the fortune.
“That’s it until next year.”
The Permanent Family Record
Kathy S. of St. Paul writes: “The last time Mom and Dad visited the Minnesota State Fair, I went with them. Both Mom and Dad had science degrees, but they approached adventures differently. Dad decided on objectives and achieved them, while Mom loved to explore new ideas and people — which complicated our visit to the Grandstand building at the Fair. Both wanted to see the newest electric organs, so Dad marched in their direction. Meanwhile, Mom looked around and stopped to talk to people in booths on the way there — which drove Dad nuts, since he never knew where the heck she was. My solution was to stand in the aisle outside the booths where Mom stopped. Eventually Dad halted in his trek from Point A to Point B, when he realized he had lost us. Turning around, he saw me keeping an eye on both him and Mom, so he stifled his impatience. Meanwhile, Mom got to see much more of the Fair than she would have if she were trying to please Dad. She said it was her most pleasant trip ever to the State Fair.
“Of course, the electric organs they saw at the Fair were nothing like the one they had bought years before, which went into a Dumpster when we sold their house. Mom’s Formica-covered organ looked somewhat like a pipe organ, but used transistors — an incremental improvement in electronics on the path to the chips and screens of today. When transistors in her organ died, they were extremely expensive or could not be replaced. So some of the tones and electric sound effects of the organ that delighted her grandchildren gradually disappeared.
“On the day the organ was deconstructed, I already had left. I would like to have helped do it, because I might have grabbed a few of the plastic buttons or keys as Christmas ornaments or keepsakes. But I knew it just was not practical to keep that organ. Its dying transistors made it unfixable, and I haven’t heard of anyone reusing old Formica. Still, every time I think of the State Fair, I think of that organ and the joy it brought.”
Life imitates the State Fair
The Doryman of Prescott, Wisconsin: “Subject: Take a load off, whydon’tcha.
“The Runabout and I were cleaning our balcony/deck this morning and had to take a break halfway through. It’s a tough job because it’s long and narrow, so we have to lift and shuffle a lot of rugs, tables and chairs from one end to the other, clean the deck and then shuffle back again. Imagine making the bed while you’re still in it.
“One of the things we have to move is an outdoor sofa that isn’t very comfortable but serves the purpose for short-term, overflow guests. I remarked that even it felt wonderful after our hard labor and likened it to earlier State Fair memories. After half a day of wandering The Great Minnesota Get-Together, I would visit under-the-grandstand commercial exhibits. One company back then sold overstuffed reclining chairs. As I remember, they had about half a dozen on display to demo. A common expression I heard from folks invited to try them out was: ‘OMG, this is the most comfortable chair I’ve ever sat in!’
“What an ideal product to hustle at a State Fair. After a few hours of walking the grounds, people would probably feel the same way sitting on the curb outside.”
Joy of Juxtaposition
Here, again, is Cherie D of Inver Grove Heights: “The other day, I was talking to a young woman who was telling me about her daughter in grade school. The young woman mentioned something about an IEP. Huh? The woman explained that an IEP stands for Individualized Education Plan. Oh.
“Later that afternoon, I was talking with my friend Deb, and she mentioned something about her granddaughter’s IEP.
“Sheesh, where have I been that I had not heard this term before?
“When I was in parochial grade school in the ’60s, the closest thing we had to an IEP was what Sister Vivian (a.k.a. Vivian the Vulture, for all of you fans of Axel’s Treehouse out there) chose to smack a kid with for misbehaving: the ruler, or the pointer.”
Skol!
From The Mighty Wickard: “Subject: Stairway to Heaven.
Everyone’s a copy editor!
Donald: “Subject: Now, that’s a sack!
“This appeared in a report on the Oregon/Colorado football game on Page 2 of the Sports section in Sunday’s Pioneer Press: ‘Nix was intercepted for the first time this season in the second quarter. It was also Oregon’s first turnover of the year. But the Ducks’ defense sacked Shedder Sanders on third down, pushing him back 16 years, and Colorado again was forced to punt.’”
The vision thing
Mody of White Bear Lake writes: “Subject: Through the eyes of a 4-year-old.
“My daughter and two grandsons were over for a visit, and while getting ready to leave, Forrest asked grandpa to chase him in the front yard. After running for a bit, he stopped in the middle of the yard looking at the empty (aside from the weeds) kidney-bean-shaped plot and said: ‘WOW! That’s a really big foot!’
“Grandkids are the best!”
Keeping your eyes open
Dennis from Eagan reports: “Subject: MSP airport oddities.
“Leaving for Charlotte at 7 a.m., inside MSP airport’s Terminal 2 I was shocked to see a Lego vending machine and Tequila as a bar’s soup of the day (apparently served in a margarita glass) — advertised before lunchtime, even! LOL.”
Older Than Dirt
Again, The Doryman of Prescott, Wisconsin: “Subject: Older than Dirt (revisited).
“You know you’re Older Than Dirt if you write nearly duplicate Bulletin Board submissions.”
Older Than Dirt
Or: Know thyself!
Yet again, The Doryman of Prescott, Wisconsin: “Subject: Retired topics?
“I miss the ‘Older Than Dirt’ contributions. Just the other day, I was thinking you’re probably Older Than Dirt if you’ve ever sent in nearly duplicate submissions.”
A joke for today (or maybe yesterday)
Kathy S. of St. Paul: “Subject: A Dumb Oldtimer Joke.
“At the grocery store, I passed two older people with a very full cart. They said they had just stopped in for few things.
“Which reminded me of a joke told by a former co-worker who (with his wife) had 11 kids. He said that every night, he would ask his wife if she wanted to sleep or what. And that her answer was always: ‘What?'”
Band Name of the Day: The Dumb Oldtimers
Website of the Day: Ryder Cup 2023
Bulletin Board 