The Hat People
Or: Know thyself!
Norton’s mom of Eau Claire, Wisconsin: “Subject: I’ve become one of ‘those’ people.
“It is a sad, sad day.
“I had driven two miles or more after making a soft left turn onto the road I was on when I realized I had forgotten to turn off my blinker (which I usually automatically do after that turn). I realized the time had come for me to ‘get a hat.’
“I think I want a flowered one . . . or maybe one of those Carmen Miranda hats.”
The Lowest Common Consumer
Elvis reports: “Elvis is on vacation and spent the afternoon at a wonderful pool. In two places, they had signs that said: ‘Nonswimmers should stay out of the deep end.'”
There’s nothin’ like a simile!
Helena Handbasket reports: “Someone posted this on Facebook: ‘Weight loss goal — to be able to cut my toenails and breathe at the same time.’
“Someone responded with this: ‘Mine is to not be the slowest person in my hiking group. They all take leisurely strolls up freaking mountains that leave me huffing and puffing like an asthmatic dragon trying to light a wet torch!’
“He or she might not be the fittest in the group, but might be the cleverest lexicographer!”
Our birds, ourselves
Doris G. of Randolph, Minnesota: “The female cardinal kept flying into our window, and I was afraid she would hurt herself, so my husband made a perch so she could sit.
“Sometimes she would go to a different window, so he made a perch for that window, also.
“She visits quite often; sometimes the male will sit with her on the perch.”
Throw the cow over the fence some hay!
Rancid Beef of South St. Paul reports: “Subject: Throw the cow over the (really small) moon.
“I ran across this sponsored news item last year on Yahoo’s home page.
“Sadly, I didn’t follow the clickbait, so I can’t report on what it was that landed on the Chicago-sized moon.”
Our theater of seasons
Grandma Paula reports: “A few days ago, as I walked out my front door, I noticed this beautiful moth.
“Then I decided to see what else I could find to photograph in my yard. Here are the results.”
The Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon
M.A. of Kasson: “Saturday afternoon, I was reading a Virgil Flowers story. I don’t read many crime novels, but learned of John Sandford through the Bulletin Board. The word defenestration was mentioned in the story. I had never heard it before. It means to be tossed out a window.
“Sunday morning, CBS’s ‘Sunday Morning’ had an interview with Linda Fairstein, a very prolific crime-novel writer. She mentioned the word defenestration. I had never heard of her, but after her interview, I might check out her books.”
The Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon (Comics Page Corollary)?
Kathy S. of St. Paul: “An almost-Baader-Meinhof [Bulletin Board interjects: We’ll be the judge of that!]:
‘On Sunday, July 16, two comic strips covered non-humans playing Twister. In Minneapolis, it was played by pretzels twisting themselves into knots. In St. Paul, a shark plays a giant squid. Now, it looks as if Pretzel was the original name of the game, but why the heck sea creatures were playing it, I don’t know. Or care?
“In any case, is it an official Baader-Meinhof sighting when the comic strips were in separate newspapers?”
BULLETIN BOARD RULES: Yes — unless the cartoonists were in cahoots, the way they used to conspire to present golf-based strips during the week of the B.C. Open.
Writes joegolfer: “Subject: One man’s treasure. . .
“We moved to a small town nearly a year ago, and still get our newspaper fix from Minnesota. Still, we figured we should support the local paper, too. Its content often has me scratching my head, but the entertainment factor makes up for it.
“This ad was in the midweek issue. It is highly entertaining, but I have a hard time understanding why anyone would pay real money to place this obvious joke.”
You can say that again!
Mom of Many in Mendota Heights: “There’s a saying that blessings often come in twos. For our large family, 2017 holds many examples of this phenomenon.
“In April, the novel my mom and I co-wrote was launched, and we didn’t fight once during the five-year process. We’ve started a second one.
“In May, Dad of Many and I proudly perched in a pew as our caboose twins, Thing1 and Thing2, received their First Holy Communion.
“In June, two of our kids graduated, one from Visitation and one from the University of St. Thomas.
“And soon, two of our sons will get married — one on July 22 and one on September 30. (For the first wedding, the twins get to be junior groomsmen, and they’re delighted to stand on an altar in Green Bay with all seven of their big siblings. For the second wedding, they’ll serve as ring bearers and escort identical blond flower girls-cousins to the bride — down the aisle at Our Lady of Lourdes.)
“My sister once gave me a bag printed with: ‘Lord, grant me the patience to endure my blessings!’ I reflect on this when a sense of overwhelmingness niggles at me, and then, thankfully, gratitude wriggles its way in. Working the beads, going for long runs and soaking in heaps of bubbles helps, too.
“Remember the Wrigley’s Doublemint Gum slogan ‘Double your pleasure, double your fun’? Well, since Dad of Many and I are now in our 50s, we’re pooped-out from all the fun we’re having this year. Come October, we’re going to plop our keisters onto the couch, reflect on our 2017 blessings thus far, and have a martini or two.
“Um, and make those doubles!”
Our pets, ourselves
Momma Mouse of Woodbury: “We had house guests this past week. Mouse, Bug and Miss Sassy Pants were here along with Bobbie the boxer pup. We had a great time, great visiting and some quality ‘puppy time.’
“I miss having a dog, but after dealing with puppy energy these past few days, I am even more convinced that the only dog that could reside here would be one as old as we are!
“Townhome living, without a back yard and back door, just doesn’t work. Maybe I’m lazy, but the thought of bundling up in the early-morning hours in the dead of winter to ‘walk’ the dog just has lost its appeal.
“Bobbie was so good, and really well-behaved for 11 weeks old, but oh my, the energy! Mouse and Bug raise purebreds, and this is the last of the litter just waiting for a perfect placement. So he was on vacation with them. The grownup fur babies stayed home with a house/dog sitter.
“So now the house is quiet, all the extra laundry has been done, guest room is clean and awaiting their next visit. It was so good while it lasted.”
Band Name of the Day: Completely Organic
Website of the Day, from Double Bogey Mike: Flying on a Martin M-130 Clipper