Our theater of seasons
Al B of Hartland reports: “Red-winged blackbirds sang, causing March to sound like a marsh.
“A woodpecker hammered on a resonant, dead limb. It was a declaration of territory. Woodpeckers have a knack for hammering.
“I saw a red-tailed hawk feeding on an opossum. Blue jays, crows and a male cardinal were outraged by the presence of the raptor. The chickadees went about their normal business, dismissing the hawk as no threat to them.
“Edna St. Vincent Millay wrote this in an ‘Afternoon On A Hill’: ‘I will be the gladdest thing under the sun! I will touch a hundred flowers and not pick one.’
“Come on, flowers! We’re ready for you.”
The sign on the road to the cemetery said “Dead End”
Electronic Board of the Church on Lexington in Shoreview Division
Our Official Electronic Board of the Church on Lexington in Shoreview Correspondent — Red’s Offspring, north of St. Paul — reports: “Subject: That makes it official!
“The latest message on the electronic board of the church on Lexington in Shoreview:
“‘Spring is God’s way of saying
“’I’m tired of winter too.’”
Fellow travelers (responsorial)
Writes Henry Gatzke of White Bear Lake: “Saw the pics you posted in Sunday’s paper.
“I like mine better, just sayin’.”
BULLETIN BOARD SAYS: Nice work, Mr. Gatzke.
Of course, as we have said more times than we care to remember:
BULLETIN BOARD IS NOT A COMPETITION!
Just sayin’. Or maybe shoutin’.
Hmmmmmmmm
Donald: “Subject: He did mention his wife first.
“From ‘SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE’ in the latest Sports Illustrated: ‘After scoring twice in a game on March 17, South Africa-based soccer player Mohammed Anas thanked his wife — and his girlfriend.’”
The highfalutin displeasures
The Doryman of Prescott, Wisconsin: “Subject: Remote possibilities.
“Yesterday, I was surprised that my garage-door opener didn’t work, but I just chalked it up to a dead battery.
“Determined not to be inconvenienced further, I took the clicker apart and promptly changed the 9-volt.
“Later on that day, an email from the condo board alerted me that the ‘in’ garage door was malfunctioning and that a repair has been ordered.
“The exit door is controlled by an air-pressure hose like the old gas stations used to have, and it works fine.
“Today I’m trying to enter the garage, and my re-powered remote is upstairs on the kitchen counter.”
Life as we know it
Arizona Susan: “Last week I received a phone call from my daughter-in-law in Denver. I could tell by the tone of her voice that something was very wrong.
“Indeed. My son was in the E.R., being transferred by ambulance to another hospital, with very serious pulmonary embolisms in his lungs. He was having a hard time breathing, and was, of course, very panicky. Now, my daughter-in-law is a trauma nurse, so she handles this type of thing in the course of her work. But it’s sure a different story when it’s your husband in distress. It’s also a different story when a mom gets a call like that concerning her son. Talk about your heart dropping; that’s what I felt like.
“Long story short: He received excellent care; they got him on blood thinners, which he seems way too young to be on, at 46, but it is what it is. He spent three days in I.C.U., and he’s now home recuperating, still on oxygen. Colleen, my daughter-in-law, has kept in touch with us numerous times every day. Michael, my son, refused to have his picture taken when he was on oxygen, so the first night in I.C.U., Colleen scootched the big recliner chair into the room, next to his bed, so she could hold on to him all night. She never left his side, until he left the hospital. Such love and devotion.
“The most heartwarming thing from all this is the number of people we heard from, all very concerned, all praying for Michael, and for Colleen. Such love and caring.”
Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon
LindaGrandmaSue of St. Cloud: “Sometimes when you are OTD, it seems like nothing is new, like nothing can take you by surprise. And then, something does take you by surprise: a B-M.
“The book I’m reading covers a span of time, with each chapter titled as a year. The chapter for 1953 mentioned wallpaper ‘impregnated’ with DDT. Apparently it was meant to keep bugs out of the nursery. I had never heard of this.
“The next day, my daughter called to tell me about the paint they were buying for their new house. One of the options offered: Bug Juice insect control paint additive for indoor and outdoor use.
“I think I’ll live with the bugs, thank you.”
Our pets, ourselves
Allie Down by the River: “This morning, our Stella-Cat was utterly dejected to discover her water dish was only half-full.
“Bringing this to my attention with persistent meowing, she was dismayed to learn that, not only was I not sympathetic to her plight, but I had no intention of refilling her bowl just then.
“’You don’t seem to be concerned in the least!’ she huffed, as I took out the garbage.
“‘That bowl isn’t empty. There’s plenty of water there,’ I pointed out. Looking again, I saw that it was actually MORE than half-full.
“I took a drink of my own water, placed it on the counter in the kitchen, then continued my chores.
“As she watched me walk away, I could swear that I heard her sniff in contempt.
“I walked out of the kitchen, away from the annoyed and disdainful house cat. Shortly I heard pouring water, then a clatter as my cup hit the floor.
“I can only presume that, attempting to remedy her miserable condition on her own, Stella had jumped onto the counter and tipped over my cup. She’s been known to stick her head in my water cup. I’ve caught her in the act before.
“I walked back into the kitchen and surveyed the scene. Stella looked at me with big, pleading eyes, willing me to see that she was in extremis. I looked back at her. ‘Well?’ I asked.
“In answer, she sniffed and sampled the water on the floor.
“She must’ve decided against the floor water, because she walked away from the puddle, sat down near her rapidly evaporating half-bowl of water, and waited to die of thirst.
“As I wiped up her mess, washed and refilled my cup, she looked at me, twitched her tail and sighed another miserable cat-sigh.
“You may wonder whether Stella did, in fact, perish, during the interval in which I walked across the kitchen to add water to her dish. Thankfully, she survived. Somehow, she dug into what cat-strength she had left and made it those last four or so seconds.
“But, as is typical of Stella-Cat, she refused to say ‘Thank-you.'”
Band Name of the Day: The Dead Batteries
Website of the Day: “A Gorgeously Shot Short About Skateboarders On A Frozen Norwegian Beach”
Bulletin Board 