Our Father in heaven, art thou a which or a who?

Then & Now

Waldo Windmill writes: “While joining our church congregation in reciting the Lord’s Prayer this past Sunday, my mind wandered back to my childhood. I recalled that, as a youngster, I learned the introductory phrase of the prayer as ‘Our Father, which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.’ Today, however, most churches, both Catholic and Protestant (including mine), begin ‘Our Father, who art in heaven.

“I’d like to think I deserve some credit for that language change. As a youngster in a rural Wisconsin one-room-school grammar lesson, I learned that ‘who’ should be used to refer to people in that grammatical structure, rather than ‘which.’ I clearly remember confronting my Sunday School teacher concerning that issue.

“‘Is God a person?’ I asked in a somewhat know-it-all manner.

“‘Yes, we believe He is,’ my teacher replied. ‘Why do you ask?’

“‘Well, if God is a person,’ I responded, ‘I learned in school that we should say “who art in heaven,” not “which art in heaven.”‘

“My teacher responded by asking me to read the Lord’s Prayer as printed in St. Matthew 6:9-13 in my brand-new 1937 authorized King James version of the Bible. It read: ‘Our Father, which are in heaven.’ At that point I realized I was caught figuratively between a rock and a hard place — my schoolteacher and her grammar book on the one hand; God’s holy word on the other.

“I decided that discretion was the better part of valor and dropped the subject. However, I must admit I felt justified when, some years later, we and Christians everywhere adopted the change to ‘who art in heaven.’

“My feelings of justification were dampened a bit, however, when I checked out the Lord’s Prayer in my brand-new 2017 large-print Authorized King James Version of the Bible. You guessed it! I hadn’t persuaded its editors to make the change.

“Well, you can’t win ’em all!”

Fifteen Nanoseconds of Fame

John in Highland (who took the sideline picture above, sideline access being easier to achieve in those days): “Subject: Remember Woody?

“The upcoming Gophers football opener against Ohio State brings back memories of Woody Hayes, longtime successful coach of the Buckeyes. Woody got in trouble and was fired after he lost his temper, ran out on the field and punched a Clemson player who had the temerity to intercept an Art Schlichter pass.

“Woody was described as a ‘quote machine’ and was known for his colorful narrations. One of my favorite lines was: ‘When you’re winning, you don’t need any friends. When you’re losing, you don’t have any friends anyway!'”

Now & Then

Kathy S. of St. Paul writes: “Subject: When sports are fun.

“A relative posted a link to a gymnastics floor exercise performed by Katelyn Ohashi for UCLA in 2019.

“I am not much on sports. But I love that video, watching Katelyn earn 10.0 marks while appearing to Just Have Fun. Because I missed seeing that in the Olympics this year. Everything was so very serious and meaningful and hemmed in by COVID that I felt a major loss of silliness. I’m hoping for more joy, someday.

“Meanwhile, the only flaw I saw in this 2019 video is the skimpiness of the bottom of the women’s uniforms. I propose that designers of future athletic uniforms repeat after me: No Ifs, Ands or Butts!”

Could be verse!

Another “timerick” from Tim Torkildson: “I love the sour taste of kraut / and how I dote on pickled snou. / Ev’ry meal can use some succor / from a dill that makes you pucker. / Even breakfast bowls of Kix / improve with gherkins in the mix!”

Our times
Pandemic Division (First World Subdivision)

Elvis writes: “Subject: guide to coaster happiness.

Elvis discovered last week that an older wooden side table had a water stain where an old coaster had let him down. It was from many glasses of sweet tea (or was it the mint juleps?) that had sweated so much in this hot, humid summer that the coaster had soaked through and damaged the wood. He got the surface repaired thanks to the usually helpful World Wide Web and Bob Vila. (Mayo did the trick.)

“So Elvis went on the hunt in our COVID world for new coasters. Amazon would bring to his door a set of silicone coasters with a lip at a reasonable price in less than 48 hours, and this was the easier, softer way than jumping into the car, cranking up the AC and the SiriusXM All Elvis channel, and going to find some someplace in town.

“Eight new silicone coasters showed up today, as well as an email to Elvis from Denmark, where a father-and-son team designed these coasters. Here’s part of the message:

“‘I want you to have a good experience with your new coasters and that is why I strongly recommend you to take time to read this eBook and learn how to utilize your coasters to its full potential, you’ll also find quite a few tips and tricks in it, that’s a promise!’

“‘Do you need help?

“‘I want to make sure that you have a fantastic experience with your coasters from start to finish! So once it arrives, please do not hesitate to get in touch if you have any issues or questions at all, simply reply to this email and I’ll get back to you with an answer within 24 hours and I’ll do whatever I can to make you 100% happy.

“‘Have a wonderful day!’

“In addition, in the cardboard box (no plastic packaging at all!) were three cardstock notes. One was a big THANK YOU, with a link to an instruction guide, and the other had contact information in case Elvis experienced any problems with his new coasters, plus another link on how to register for an extended warranty on them. Finally a small card shaped like a red ‘STOP’ sign, saying that I should not use the product until I had seen the instructions online.

Elvis did this, and got directed immediately to the warranty registration page, then onto a download (actually two downloads) to get the multipage e-guide to his coasters.

“Along with helpful tips, like which side was up, and how to cover your glass outdoors with an extra coaster to keep insects out, were facts such as they could be used for bottles, as well as a glasses, and as a ‘gripper’ to open a stuck jar lid. Finally, they even can be used on hard floors under the legs of pieces of furniture to keep them from moving. There was also a testimonial from a woman who kept misplacing her keys, until she just started putting them on her coaster when she came home.’

“All Elvis can say is ‘Wow’ . . . as he takes a sip of his drink and sets it safely down.”

Our theater of seasons

Mounds View Swede has been out and about with camera in hand: (1) “I have been enjoying the flowers that thrive in the full of summer. These have been well tended and watered.

“The nearby neighbors who are serious flower growers had a nice variety of flowers and daylilies. This ‘tableau’ of blossoms spilling out of a plastic barrel was a nice idea, I thought, for representing nature’s bounty.

“They had a nice variety of daylilies that were nearing the end of their season.

“And a blossom I had never seen before.

“It was a not-too-hot day, so a joy to be out and finding these blossom ‘treasures.’ [Bulletin Board says: Our resident Master Gardener believes it to be Celosia cristata ‘Dracula’ Cockscomb.]

“More to come.”

(2) “I continued exploring their flower beds, finding more daylily blossoms to capture and noting the variety of colors and petal shapes.

“And I saw other blossoms that were unusual to me that I felt I should photograph to share with BB readers.

“The varying shape and textures of the petals was interesting to me. The great variety in nature is something I find fascinating.”

(3) “I continued finding different lily blossoms, and I was glad so many still looked good as their season was ending.

“This one had more ornate petal edges and kind of looked like it was sticking its ‘tongue’ out at me.

“A more sedate version with similar colors.

“This dahlia looked rather splendid, I thought.

“I planted some seed dahlias in my front gardens this year, and they have not done very well in spite of the watering I have done, so I was glad to see a more successful version.

“One more ‘batch’ to go!”

(4) “The Arden Hills compost site sill had some nice blossoms on this visit. I usually bring a camera with in the spring-through-fall stops with our food scraps, and I put it to use this visit. The site manager who planted all these and cared for them has since retired, so I couldn’t ask her the flower names.

“This one looked like it had a moth visitor.

“I think this is a morning glory before closing down for the day. [Bulletin Board says: Looks more like a hollyhock, to us.]

“I can’t remember what the last three blossoms are. Memory is one of the issues I am struggling with these days. Enjoy them anyway!” [Bulletin Board says: We think they are, in order, a “ditch lily” daylily; perhaps a hibiscus; and a balloon flower.]

Mixed messages

Semi-Legend reports: “Subject: Unclear on the concept?

“Bob & Ray once gave us a Tour of a Road Sign Factory, including a reject room, where incorrect signs were stored.

“I have a candidate.

“At Ford Parkway and Cretin Avenue in St. Paul, a traffic light blinks red in all directions. At each corner is also a temporary stop sign. Below the sign are two other signs, side by side.

“One sign says ‘All directions,’ which seems to reinforce the traffic light.

“Next to it is a sign: ‘Cross traffic does not stop.’

“Needless to say (he said), traffic moves through the intersection at an extremely slow pace. Maybe that was the intention.

“Update: The stoplight works normally now, and the temp signs are gone.”

Band Name of the Day: Just Have Fun

Website of the Day: A Bob & Ray Treasury