The vision thing
Frost Division
Mounds View Swede writes: “Jack Frost, artist extraordinaire, wishes all the Bulletin Board readers a Happy Valentine’s Day!”
Keeping your eyes open
KH of White Bear Lake reports: “Spotted in a dumpster in Brooklyn, New York, on Valentine’s Day.”
‘Tis the season!
Our Official Electronic Board of the Church on Lexington in Shoreview Monitor, Red’s Offspring, north of St. Paul, reports: “The latest message on the electronic board of the church on Lexington in Shoreview:
“‘LENT IS COMING!
“”GET YOUR ASH IN HERE’”
CAUTION! Words at Play!
Or: Dumb Customer Jokes (Dumb Patients Division) — including: The verbing of America
The Doryman of Prescott, Wisconsin: “Subject: She said, he said.
“While prepping for my routine eyeball injection this morning, I asked the nurse if it was better to keep my eye open or closed after the numbing eyedrops are applied.
“She replied: ‘There’s no difference. It doesn’t matter.’
“My response: ‘It’s always mattered before.'”
Ask a serious question . . .
Leading to: The great comebacks
luv.mom reports: “Ramsey County Fix-it Clinics are wonderful!
“Volunteers who know how to fix things bring tools and sit at rows of tables. People come bearing their broken chairs, toasters, electronic gadgets, zippers, vacuums, etc. The coordinator matches the items with the person who knows how to fix them.
“As my fix-it guy worked on my pressure-cooker handle, the coordinator asked the guy at the table beside us, who was ready for another project: ‘How do you feel about blenders?’
“Jean, at next table over, immediately responded: ‘I have mixed feelings about blenders.'”
Website of the Day (responsorial)
Including: Bulletin Board stands corrected — and: Everyone’s a (podcast) critic! — and: The Five-Ring Circus — and: Where we live
The Monkey Lover’s Wife of Northfield, Tuesday evening: “Saw your Website of the Day. (Link not active on the website? Things have been flaky at our house, so it might be a problem on our end.) [Bulletin Board says: No problem on your end. We somehow neglected to include the link to that Website of the Day. Here it is, now: The Negro Motorist Green Book.]
“Anyway, it reminded me of an episode of one of my favorite podcasts: https://99percentinvisible.org/episode/the-green-book/
“Time to get back to the Olympics! Some of my fondest memories involve watching the Winter Games: trying to imitate Dorothy Hamill in 1976, and destroying our living room carpet in the process . . . telling my parents that the United States had beaten the Soviet Union in 1980 in hockey (they were at a party, and didn’t believe me) . . . and best of all, watching a childhood friend win a medal in Lillehammer in 1994.
“My favorite quote of the day comes from Jason Gay, of The Wall Street Journal: ‘Thankfully, your rugged correspondent braved the Super Bowl earlier this month in Minneapolis, which was a Jedi training camp for freezing your behind off. Minnesota: You toughened me into human Gore-Tex!’”
Our birds, ourselves
Ask Al B Division
Kathy S. of St Paul: “Al B said great horned owls eat skunks.
“Do they eat all except the smell? Or can you smell them coming, when they have dined on skunk?”
Hmmmmmmmm
IGHGrampa writes: “Are escalators bi-directional? I got on one this morning to go down a floor, and it was a left-side escalator. It seemed odd. I always thought they were set up like road traffic, in which you always stay to the right. We’re so habituated to that concept that we pass on the right when we’re walking on sidewalks, walking in building hallways, and in fact walking anywhere through crowds.
“So going down on the left-side escalator felt odd. I thought a walking cop would show up at any second to give me a walking ticket.
“I think the last time I was by there, men were servicing that left-side escalator. That made me wonder if escalators could be switched up or down as needed. Maybe they would do it to even the wear on the mechanism.
“Maybe they should make bi-directional shoes — no right or left. That would really simplify the manufacturing of shoes. They’d be all the same.”
Clowning around (responsorial) (responsorial)
Last Thursday’s Bulletin Board included this item:
“Clowning around (responsorial)
“Wednesday’s Bulletin Board included a lengthy note from Tim Torkildson, bemoaning the fact that not one of his eight ‘rotten kids’ ever showed the slightest interest in following their father’s ‘oversized footsteps’ into the clowning life.
“One excerpt: ‘Where did I go wrong? I tantalized them with rousing stories of blowdowns and hey rubes and the origin of pink lemonade . . . I regaled them with the fascinating eccentricities of showmen like Irvin Feld and Tarzan Zerbini . . . I described in loving detail the peculiar talents of comic geniuses I had personally worked with, like Otto Griebling, Barry Lubin, and Steve Smith. And I sent them hundreds of postcards while on the road, illustrating fascinating items like the world’s deepest well in Kansas and Nevada’s fabled jackalope. Despite all this, whenever I would coyly ask them what they wanted to be when they grew up, they always answered with something disappointing such as “an astronaut” or “a Barbie Doll.” Rotten kids . . .’
“We presently heard from Lucky Buck: ‘OK, Tim. I will bite. Tell us the origin of pink lemonade.’”
We presently heard, again, from Tim Torkildson: “I quote from the Smithsonian Magazine:
“‘According to Josh Chetwynd, author of the New York Times best-selling How the Hot Dog Got its Bun: Accidental Discoveries And Unexpected Inspirations That Shape What We Eat And Drink, there are multiple stories about the origin of pink lemonade, but there are two that he finds most plausible — largely because of their circus roots. The first, he says, is a 1912 New York Times obituary for Henry E. Allott, a Chicago native who ran away to the circus in his early teens. Allott is believed to have “invented” pink lemonade after accidentally dropping red-colored cinnamon candies in a vat of traditional lemonade. Adhering to the old circus adage “the show must go on,” Allott simply sold the pink-hued beverage as is.’
“‘A second, more stomach-churning theory comes Harvey W. Root’s 1921 book, The Ways of the Circus: Being the Memories and Adventures of George Conklin Tamer of Lions. Root’s main subject, George, claims his brother Pete Conklin came up with pink lemonade in 1857 while selling lemonade at the circus. Conklin ran out of water and thinking on the fly, grabbed a tub of dirty water in which a performer had just finished wringing out her pink-colored tights. In true circus form, Conklin didn’t miss a beat. He marketed the drink as his new “strawberry lemonade,” and a star was born. “From then on sales doubled,” writes Root, “…[and] no first class circus was without pink lemonade.”'”
Our theater of seasons
Or: The Permanent Family Record
The Gram With a Thousand Rules: “I miss the snow sculptures in our yard.
“It started with our middle son. One particularly good snowball-making day, he abandoned the traditional snowman he was helping the younger kids build and started making snow trees instead. The entire front yard looked magical, and I reached for my camera — only to discover I was out of film! Calamity.
“Here are a few I captured over the years when my camera was loaded.
“The best sculpturing weather usually took place with a late wet snow during Spring Break; hence the Easter theme with rabbit and chicken.
“Johnny just liked seahorses. He had to scoop all the snow he could find to build this guy.
“My two youngest kids made this dinosaur during their Spring Break.
“Our oldest grandson being dwarfed by a penguin. At least I think it was a penguin.
“When the Aussie grandchildren came to visit in 2001, their Mum and Grampa joined in the construction of a couple of (ho-hum) snowmen.
“We watched them melt from January through the end of March.
“I really do miss having my yard full of sculptures . . . and creative kids!”
The Gram With a Thousand Rules, later: “I found one more.
“Our three younger kids sculpted a mama bear with her cub climbing a tree stump among a yard full of snow-covered evergreens. I especially remember this one because several neighbor kids came by and asked my 20-year-old son if he would come over and ‘do our yard’ when he was through. He was grossly indignant, telling them: ‘I don’t do other people’s yards!’”
Please release me!
Mrs. Patches of St. Paul: “I enjoy crossword puzzles and work several each day.
“A clue in a recent puzzle was: ‘The first name of Mr Jingle-heimer-schmidt.’ (John.)
“Gadzooks! I thought this was long gone.
“If you don’t know this ditty, consider yourself lucky. If you remember it, you now have one of the most inane and unending earworms . . .ever!”
Band Name of the Day: The Jingle-heimer-schmidts
Website of the Day: Stuck on an Escalator
PLEASE follow us on Twitter, or just check out what we’re posting there: twitter.com/BBonward
Bulletin Board 