The Permanent Fatherly/Daughterly Record
Or: In memoriam
Eos: “Subject: Missing Dad.
“My dad worked the ‘swing shift’ as a mechanic at Northwest Airlines when I was a little kid. He got home about 11:30 p.m. He always stayed up for a while and read the newspaper at the kitchen table. Sometimes I got up, and he’d give me some milk and a cookie, and we would talk. I just loved that special alone time with him.
“He loved being a dad — and he was proud of all of us. Once, on a trip to Grandma’s house, we stopped at a drive-in restaurant. The women in the car next to us were counting kids. Dad rolled down the window and said: ‘There’s eight of them, and they’re all mine.’
“When I was 8 years old, he asked me if I wanted to take accordion lessons or guitar lessons. I said guitar … but he loved Myron Floren, so accordion lessons it was. (I taught myself to play the guitar years later.)
“Dad was good at pool, table tennis, and Frisbee. He really liked playing Frisbee; he could curve the disc around trees.
“When we played our annual Fourth of July softball game (parents vs. kids), he always was one of the best. Mom, too. I was proud to be their kid.
“Dad had some funny sayings. He was looking at the Montgomery Ward’s catalog and hollered to Mom: ‘Does Dawn need a new brass ear?’ (I’m Dawn. I was mortified!) When I asked if we could PLEASE get a dishwasher, Dad said: ‘Why would I buy a dishwasher when we already have eight of them?’
“When I got my driver’s license, he made me learn to change a tire. Then he told me to ‘Trust nobody’ on the road. Blinker on? Doesn’t mean they’re really turning. No blinker on? Doesn’t mean they’re NOT turning.
“Dad got me hooked on genealogy.
“He would LOVE computers.
“I’m sorry he never got to meet my husband. I’m sorry he never got to meet most of his grandchildren.
“He was a good man who loved his wife and kids . . . and he died too young. I miss him.”
Perchance, to dream
Katharine With One Dog Only: “My dreams featuring Liberace continue. Last night, he and I made his mother’s stuffed-bell-pepper recipe in the kitchen of an apartment I rented in the ’80s. That kitchen was the size of a deep closet and had a stove that was the older sister of an Easy-Bake Oven.
“Somehow Lee and I (I used to call him Mr. Liberace, but after so many dreams we’re on a first-name basis) both fit in this closet kitchen, even though he was wearing a full-length white fur coat with a long train. When the hamburger was starting to spatter a bit in the skillet, I suggested Lee put on an apron of mine because I was sure the grease wouldn’t do his white suit studded with Austrian crystals any good. But he said he sends all his costumes out on a regular basis to be cleaned.
“I thought the stuffed peppers were the best I ever tasted. Lee said his mother was a bloodsucking vampire, but she could do magical things with rice.”
Now & Then
Sometime within the past handful of years, someone sent us most or all of a Sunday Pictorial Magazine from the St. Paul Pioneer Press of November 29, 1964. We can’t remember who, or why, or when — but we do remember that we scanned a bunch of its pages, hopeful that someday those scans would prove useful. And so they have. (Thanks to whoever sent them!)
Then & Now
Scott from Eagan: “Many will remember the Twin Cities-based ‘Mystery Science Theater 3000,’ which aired first on Channel 23 and then later on Comedy Central. It was a show where Joel and his ‘robot friends’ watched and made fun of old crappy movies. It ran for about 10 seasons, and most episodes are available on YouTube.
“Perhaps not widely known is that the series is getting a reboot and will be on Netflix sometime this year. To produce the show, Joel Hodgson (its creator) ran a Kickstarter campaign, to which I contributed more than made sense.
“As a result of my donation, Mrs. Scott from Eagan and I will be attending the Los Angeles premiere of the first episode and get to walk down the Red Carpet. Since red-carpet walking is a big deal, I had to get properly attired and ordered everything early. Fans of the show will recognize it as a copy of Joel’s attire from the early episodes. When the fawning Hollywood reporters ask me ‘Who are you wearing?’ I can proudly answer ‘Sweet Company Jumpsuits and Pyramax Hardhats.’
“Mrs. Scott from Eagan has not decided what she will wear, but I’m guessing it will include a bag over her head so she isn’t seen with me.”
Not exactly what he had in mind
Friendly Bob of Fridley: “Watching the ‘tube’ the other day, and on came a commercial for a place that purported to sell women’s lingerie for ‘petite to plus-sized’ ladies.
“Many models sashayed away from the camera, displaying the merchandise. (Guess how many ‘plus-sized’ were in the commercial. Yep … zero.)
“The very end of the commercial was chopped off, and another began immediately, with no pause or cross-fade. It looked for all the world to be a continuation of the first commercial. In this one, several (ahem) ‘geezers’ (my peers!) were going ga-ga over what one of them had on his smart-phone display, though we could not see what it was. I thought for sure they were slobbering over the lingerie-clad women, but then I realized it was a different commercial . . . for the wonderful phone service.
“Sorry for the bad thoughts, guys.”
Papa on Elm Street: “I had two memorable medical emergencies in my early days — one at about 3 years old, and one as an early teenager.
“At about 3, I was in the basement helping Dad put coal into the furnace. He said to me: ‘Why don’t you go upstairs and tell your mom that you love her?’ — so I ran upstairs, gave her a hug and said ‘I love you.’ It felt so good. I was excited as I headed down the stairs to tell Dad. I lost my balance and tumbled to the bottom of the stairs. Unfortunately, at the bottom of the stairs was a wooden crate with a nail sticking out. The temple area of my head hit the nail, causing lots of blood. We had a fast ride to an emergency room. I remember how scary it was lying there having the wound stitched up.
“My second event was more embarrassing than scary. As a young teen, I found that I had a large gray wood tick firmly stuck to a private area. Dad wasn’t home, so I had to show it to my mom. Yikes! When he got home, he took me to the hospital. The nurse came in the room to check it out. Yikes! Yikes! She put some alcohol on a cotton ball and swabbed the area, then grabbed the wood tick with some type of clamp and gave a big pull. Ouch!!!
“I don’t know which event was harder on me.”
Life as we know it
The Bitter and Disgruntled Guy from Andover: “I really did a number on my knee on Monday. One minute, I was walking the dog; the next minute, I was on my back, with my leg twisted back by my head. My dog just stopped and looked at me. I had hit a big patch of ice that was hidden beneath the snow.
“I was lying there with the wind knocked out of me and my knee throbbing. I had to crawl over to the side where there was no ice, and then I stood up on my tender knee. I hobbled home.
“Those who know me know I have an incredibly mediocre tolerance for pain. That night I did not get any sleep because it hurt, so I got up the next morning and went to see the doctor. They examined my knee, took x-rays, and then sent me to an orthopedic surgeon the next day. They sent me home in a wrap that went from ankle to butt cheek, so I was walking around like Herman Munster.
“Yesterday I talked my mom into driving me, since I was immobile. I did indeed tear my MCL, but this is the ligament you want to tear in your knee. They never do surgery on this ligament because the blood flow allows the body to heal itself. I was concerned our vacation plans would be in peril, but I was told a pool is perfect for fixing up knees and the pool I will be in has a swim-up bar.
“Anyway, those inflicted with knee issues are a tight bunch. I talked to two people who had issues with their knees. Both of them thought my mom was my wife. I was not sure if I should have been insulted, or she flattered, and then decided the pain must have made me look older … AND she does look pretty good for a woman of a certain age. I know it made my mom very happy!”
The vision thing (Headline Division) (responsorial)
Or: Ask Bulletin Board
LindaGrandmaSue of St. Cloud wrote about swimming with the manatees. I’ve always wanted to do that, but I have a question for her:
“How does one swim with the manatees without swimming with the alligators? This is not a rhetorical question. Ridiculously for someone living in Minnesota, alligators are one of my greatest fears.
The highfalutin bemusements
Doglover in Shoreview: “Subject: Facebook friends.
“I checked my Facebook page this morning and got a friend request from a relative. When you are tired, your brain doesn’t work well . . . and so, about three minutes later, I remembered that he passed away in January. Unless heaven has Facebook, I think he was hacked.”
BULLETIN BOARD SAYS: If heaven has Facebook, what’s hell for?
The highfalutin amusements
Virtual Jigsaw Puzzles Division
Poet X of PDX has sent along a “Tough puzzle: I’ve not done it myself yet, but did take the original photo and created the puzzle on Dec. 3, 2016. I can’t believe someone did it in 1 hour, 20 minutes. I suspect it will take me four hours.”
BULLETIN BOARD NOTES, FOR NEWCOMERS: You can see the completed puzzle by hitting the Pause button. Not that that will help much, this time!
A joke for today
FWD’d by Grandma Paula: “A friend of mine from Atlanta has two 50-yard-line tickets for the 2017 Super Bowl in Houston on February 5. When he bought them back in the summer, he had no way of knowing how things would turn out; he didn’t realize that it’s on the same day as his wedding — so he can’t go.
“If you are interested and want to go instead of him, it’s at Saint Peter’s Catholic Church, in New York City, at 5 p.m. Her name’s Louise. She’s 5-foot-4, about 100 pounds, good cook, makes $140,000 a year. She will be wearing a white dress.”
Band Name of the Day: The Liberace Dreams
Website of the Day: Myron Floren’s first accordion solo on “The Lawrence Welk Show” (July 2, 1955):