One & Done
The Gram With a Thousand Rules: “The recent news brought back a long-submerged memory from nearly 65 years ago.
“He telephoned and invited me to go to a movie. He told me that I should choose which one. He picked me up and asked me what I wanted to see. When I told him my choice was ‘Singin’ in the Rain,’ he vetoed it. ‘Nah,’ he said. ‘I’ve got a better idea.’
“We went to see ‘The Great Caruso,’ where I heard singing in my ear as he sang along with Mario Lanza — EVERY SINGLE SONG!
“That guy was done, as far as I was concerned, before the MGM lion roared.”
Our birds, ourselves
Al B of Hartland: “The man stopped while I was ringing bells for the Salvation Army to tell me that he’d seen a big owl in his yard one night and a bald eagle there the next day. Big birds. I told him that he should stop offering venison and go back to putting sunflower seeds in his feeders.
“Raptors are amazing birds. I watched a hawk circling overhead one day. It was a handsome red-tailed hawk. I was mesmerized by its seemingly effortless looping. For a moment I wished I were that hawk. Then I realized that I’d be getting dizzy while searching for a rat to eat.”
Our birds, ourselves
Ask Al B Division
Birdwatcher in La Crescent: “I have a question for Al B and hope he has an answer.
“I have not seen a junco since the first part of October, and it was just one at that time. We keep our four feeders filled and our heated bird bath clean and full of water and have seen a lot of different birds so far this winter, but no juncos.
“Happy New Year to a new Bulletin Board. Love the format and pictures. I do miss holding the newspaper, but my hands are now cleaner.”
Black and white and read all over
Desert Darlin’ sent this picture of “4-year-old Carlena and 2-year-old Josephine reading the St. Paul Pioneer Press at a sleepover with Nonny.”
BULLETIN BOARD SAYS: It’s never too early to develop good habits.
Every blasted time
Norton’s mom of Eau Claire, Wisconsin: “I wrote this quite awhile ago, when ‘Every blasted time’ was a category in Bulletin Board. [Bulletin Board interjects: It still is! No category ever “was.”]
“After seeing Tim Torkildson‘s photo
and comment about bacon [“Good morning, arteries. Your mission, should you decide to accept it . . .”] in BBonward on 12-23-16, I was reminded of it and decided to forward it.
“Every blasted time I hear the refrain, which includes yodeling, from Eddy Arnold’s ‘Cattle Call’ (which isn’t very often lately), I am transported back to the kitchen of the upstairs apartment in which I grew up. My mom is cooking breakfast for my dad: bacon, eggs fried in the hot bacon grease, and buttered toast. (Note: This was way before the word cholesterol and the phrase ‘heart attack’ were paired in common usage. I don’t think the average person had even heard of cholesterol.) A radio program related to farming came on at about that time each weekday morning, and the ‘Cattle Call’ refrain began and ended the program.
“That memory leads me to the memory of taking my now-97-year-old mom to her family-practice doctor a few years ago. Her doctor told her that eggs would be a good source of protein for her. Mom said to him: ‘I’m not eating any eggs! My husband ate eggs every day and died from a heart attack when he was 55!’ When I reminded Mom that she fried those eggs in bacon grease, her doctor gave me a slight smile and a little nod. He dropped the ‘eat eggs; they’re good for you’ suggestion and never again brought it up.
“Mom does have eggs on her shopping list, but she uses them only when she makes cookies and meatloaf. Yes, at 97, she still bakes and cooks (to a limited degree). Maybe the ‘no eggs’ policy isn’t such a bad idea, after all.”
The Permanent Grandsonly Record
Or: Ah, the smell of it! (responsorial)
Vapid in Vadnais: “Jomajesty‘s story made me snort this morning.
“When I was single, I occasionally wore perfume. I’m not really a proponent of the stuff . . . and if you are, that’s fine. I don’t judge (at least, out loud).
“My ex-daughter-in-law dropped by last night with a key for her son (my grandson). She positively reeked of a heavy floral scent that I found most unpleasant. With an effort, I made no comment.
“A few minutes later, Sparky and son arrived. They chatted briefly, and then she left.
“He kindly brought dinner with him, and after we finished eating, I said: ‘I can still smell her perfume.’ Her son, Dinae, said that she always wore too much perfume.
“This morning, I’m sitting with my coffee, and I smell the darn stuff again. It couldn’t possibly linger for 12 hours, could it?
“Heck no, I discovered, it had implanted itself on my sweatshirt when we hugged goodbye. Yuck. I took it off and put it in the washing machine.
“Clean sweatshirt donned, I can enjoy the coffee aroma.”
Comics Page Corollary
Red’s Offspring, north of St. Paul: “The Comics section on Pages 4 & 5C in Thursday’s Pioneer Press provided punch lines with similar topics:
“‘The Duplex’: In the last panel, Fang is explaining why ‘Dog’s are man’s best friend … They’re the ones that leave the seat up.’
“‘Pluggers’: In the ‘Top 10 Pluggers of 2016 (#3),’ the Plugger tells his wife: ‘I’ll just wait until I get home.’ The caption for the cartoon reads: ‘Pluggers don’t want to use unisex bathrooms because they don’t know if they’re supposed to leave the seat up, down or half way.’”
Just a coincidence? (responsorial II)
Semi-Legend: “From today’s BB:
“‘Just a coincidence? (responsorial)
“‘IGHGrampa: “The ‘Rocky and Bullwinkle’ show, cited recently as one having adult jokes, also had a lot of great puns. One I remember was a show in which they were having adventures in the ancient and mysterious city of Waddis Damada.”
“‘BULLETIN BOARD SAYS: We don’t doubt you, IGHGrampa … but Google cannot provide any evidence that that is how they spelled it.’
“‘When two scouts see Bullwinkle tossing Rocky, Rocky and Bullwinkle are offered scholarships to Wossamotta U., a school with a dreadful football record. [Bulletin Board notes: To hire the football scouts, Wossamotta — a Minnesota university, by the way — had laid off five English instructors.] Bullwinkle’s passing skills enable Wossamotta to consistently win, so Boris [Badenov] concocts the fiendish plan of having his team of brutal thugs and murderers, the Mud City Manglers (coached by Fearless Leader), compete — disguised as girls. Since the latter are certain to lose, Boris can safely bet the Pottsylvania treasury on their winning, and rake in a fortune at 200:1 odds. The Big Game is played following Civil War (“Tha’s War between the States!”) battle plans, and, needless to say, Our Heroes win.
“‘The dialog includes one of the series’ most-memorable exchanges. When Rocky is informed they’ll be playing against females —
“‘”Bullwinkle, this is terrible!”
“‘”What kind of game can you play with girls?”
“‘[addressing the audience] “Boy, this really is a children’s show, isn’t it?” <beat> “Parcheesi, of course!”
“‘The University of Wossamotta was shown as Rocky and Bullwinkle’s alma mater in The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle movie.’
“This is the first episode.”
What’s in a (Bulletin Board) handle?
Momma Mouse of Woodbury: “A little explanation about my handle:
“My son’s fiancé has nicknamed my son ‘The Mouse’ due to his late-night snacking. So I became Momma Mouse, and that name has stuck.
“This Christmas, Santa (via USPS) delivered a box, and in that box there were several gifts. One of them was tagged for ‘Momma Mouse.‘ Inside was the cutest little crystal mouse. It is just the cutest thing.
“So now I have a ‘mouse in the house.’ I do hope it is the only one. [Bulletin Board says: When it comes to mice, it’s hardly ever the only one!]
“I hope everyone had a great Christmas and holiday . . . and soon we will welcome in the New Year. Time goes by way too fast these days. As a child, I remember wishing time would pass when waiting for some happenings or excitement. My mom would tell me I was wishing my life away. Now I would wish for time to slow — time to savor the moment.
“Happy New Year from Momma Mouse in Woodbury to all BB readers out there.”
Puck talk (responsorial)
The Retired Pedagogue of Arden Hills: “Being a resident of the ‘State of Hockey’ my entire life, the first thought that came to mind when I saw the heading ‘Puck talk’ in Tuesday’s Bulletin Board was not about food. [Bulletin Board notes: The item in question was about Wolfgang Puck.]
“I was probably the only one who had that reaction.”
BULLETIN BOARD SAYS: Very puckish, Pedagogue.
Band Name of the Day: Fearless Leader and the Manglers
Website of the Day: Enrico Caruso sings “O Sole Mio” (1916)