Life as we know it
The Divine Mum of Crocus Hill has sent us her husband’s “Little League Coach’s Diary Vol. XI, Ch. 1.”:
“After a couple years as a tee-baller, the F-Bomb’s baseball career started as a third-grader in 2015, in St. Paul’s Midway League.
“It seems so recent, but since those first days, I coached or watched hundreds of games over 10 seasons, and watched a boy grow up.
“When I recall his bunt for a little-league home run, I see the flailing legs of a daredevil 9-year-old, and I hear the laughter and cheering. When I replay his big hit over second base in the 2017 Rec State tournament, I see locks of blond hair, a shirt and cap that are too big, and a soft-cheeked smile. When I picture him pretending to sheathe a sword after striking out the side in a JV game, I see muscles forming, a deeper voice and emerging teenage cockiness.
“The F-Bomb decided against playing for his high-school team this spring, but he wanted to play one last summer with his friends and signed up for two teams — the local American Legion team and an RBI team, so he could try out for the Minnesota Twins All-Star team and travel to Chicago (for a third year) to play other All-Star teams sponsored by the Brewers, White Sox, Cubs, Royals, and others.
“He made that RBI All-Star team, and we returned from Chicago today, after watching four games in beautiful weather at the feet of Chicago’s towering skyline. It was a ton of fun.
“Most of the players on the 18U All-Star team are adults, or nearly so. Several, including the F-Bomb, have graduated from high school. One has a beard.
“On the bus ride home, the F-Bomb decided he had played his last baseball game for the summer.
“The Twins’ chartered bus brought the boys back to the Toni Stone Field parking lot.
“As the young men piled off the bus, I looked about 75 feet to the west.
“We were right next to those Midway fields where it all began, not so long ago.
I had a smile, and a tear, and then wondered as I so often do: Where does the time go?”
BULLETIN BOARD SAYS: It goes into your head — and, permanently, into your heart.
Now & Then
The Doryman of Prescott, Wisconsin: “A Juxtaposition of Firsts.
“I recently came across this screen shot of me with my first car, a 1930 Model A. The picture was made by one of the first-generation Polaroid cameras, in 1962, and is now stored on my 2024 iPad — a progression of technology spanning over 90 years.
“The log cabin was a chosen prop displayed in a park, not my home.
“My dad and I salvaged that old Model A and kept it original and running all through my high-school and college years. It was a bridge between us in which I learned a lot about cars, hard work and my father.”
The Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon
The Farm Boy of St. Paul reports: “Just before going to bed last night, I was perusing the latest ‘AARP Bulletin’ (for a friend). It mentioned Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library, a program that provides free books to preschoolers. First I’d heard of it.
“Lunchtime today, I was listening via the Internet to BBC Radio Cornwall. They were talking about the importance of reading to preschoolers, and they mentioned Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library.
“B-M fer sure!”
BULLETIN BOARD SAYS: Well, maybe. The juxtaposition of stories involving a celebrity are always a little bit suspect in the B-M department.
What we find more interesting is that a guy in St. Paul would not only read the “AARP Bulletin” (for a friend), but also stream BBC Radio Cornwall!
Muse, amuse
Or: Don’t block those metaphors!
Al B of Hartland: “Baseball caps are a poor man’s toupee.
“If you buy enough things, sooner or later, someone gives you a cap — a gimme cap.
“A friend buys them at thrift stores. A thrift store is a time machine that smells like Grandma‘s house, where you can buy bowling trophies and a nice shirt for church with the name ‘Herb’ stitched above its pocket.”
Could be verse!
Eos: “I played golf the other day. The 7th hole is near a pond. The pond is green with algae. I was inspired to write a poem titled ‘I’m Glad I’m Not a Duck.’
“I’m glad I’m not a duck
“swimming in green muck,
“in a pond I’d have to share . . . just my luck . . .
“with honking geese, and croaking frogs,
“and turtles basking on their logs.
“No thanks, I’m happy as can be.
“I am so happy to be me.
“And I’m VERY glad that I am not a duck!
“(I think my verse is getting worse…)”
Everyone’s a critic!
Headline Division
E-mail from Donald: “Subject: Clever headline.
“Jhonattan Vegas was the winner of the 3M Open.
“This was the headline in SPORTS in Monday’s Pioneer Press: ‘VEGAS HITS JACKPOT.'”
Throw the cow over the fence some hay!
The Retired Pedagogue of Arden Hills: “Subject: There are only so many hours in a day.
“This item appeared on Page 5 in SPORTS in Tuesday’s Pioneer Press: ‘Yankees >> Giancarlo Stanton returned to New York’s lineup after missing 28 games on Monday.’”
Mixed messages
Red’s Offspring, north of St. Paul: “Subject: A touch of irony.
“The subhead in Tuesday’s Pioneer Press reads: ‘Twins games will be back for subscribers starting Thursday.’
“I’d like to enjoy the game, but Thursday is an open date.”
Today’s helpful hint
The Doryman of Prescott, Wisconsin: “Subject: Better early than never.
“In my old age, I want to pass along this advice and guidance to my grandchildren and any other young folks who wish to avoid a lifetime of disappointment, desperation, disease, depression and maybe even dismemberment.
“When doing your daily affirmations, include this mantra: ‘Now and from this day forward, no matter how hurried or confident I feel, I will strive to take three extra minutes prior to performing household repairs and maintenance to read the directions on the can.'”
Our times
Kathy S. of St. Paul: “Subject: Not a granny.
“Since kids came back into public places after COVID, I have made a point of waving and smiling to little ones who might have been more isolated during the shutdown. Some parents have appreciated it.
“This week, a little girl in a cart asked me if I am a granny. I told her I am not a granny, but I am old enough to be one. I tried to explain what a great- (or grand-) aunt is, but that was too much information.
“May our kiddles live long and make our world a better place!”
The darnedest things
WARNING! Cute kid story ahead, from JB’s Wife: “My 2.5-year-old granddaughter, Emmy, was standing in her toddler tower at the kitchen counter while her younger sister was on the floor, trying to get in on the action. Predictably, it didn’t end well.
“Emmy’s explanation (in all sincerity): ‘I didn’t kick her. I was just waving at her with my foot!’”
Band Name of the Day: The Kiddles
Website of the Day: Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library
Bulletin Board 